Rabbi Bruce's Reflections on Life

Dear Friends and Family, This will be the last blog that my editor will be including in the book.  We are meeting tomorrow and we continue to hope that we will give this to a publisher this fall. Thanks for your support and "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" with me throughout the past 16 plus months.  I miss Sue every minute and writing these blogs has helped me in ways I could have never known. I will let you know as we progress toward publication of the blogs. With gratitude and appreciation, Rabbi Bruce Dear Sue, So, my second summer of travel has reached a conclusion.  You promised me that summers were for travel and I certainly  have taken advantage of this with lots of trips, primarily to see or be with family and the rest to be with friends.  I miss you so much but you are with me in my  heart wherever I am (even baseball games:-)) I sometimes wonder how you would feel about all my travel and remember how you told me with  your Sue smile t...

Dear Friends and Family, As the summer progresses and the reality of these blogs becoming a book becomes closer (hopefully we will send it to a publisher by the end of the summer), the levels of emotion ebb and flow like a yo yo going up and down. I thought I would just include this in the book but decided to send this to those of you who are still reading these blogs.  As many of you know and perhaps most of you  have figured out, my way of coping with the nonlinear journey of grief is to write during the challenging times.  Once again as you click on the link to the following song or put it in your browser, I wish I had expressed this to Sue.  However, as I begin to go through Sue's things, I am finding evidence of the small gifts and notes I sent her over the years that I didn't realize she saved and perhaps, just maybe perhaps, she knew what the words of this song express.  Please substitute Susie for Mary (or substitute your partner's name and be sure they know how y...

Dear Friends and Family, As we prepare to celebrate the 250th birthday of the United States, I am preparing to commemorate the 28th and 25th anniversaries of my parents' passing. I am grateful for the love and guidance they provided me and in some spiritual way, hope that along with Sue, her parents, and other special family members they are together and rooting for the first place White Sox (I just had to write that since it has been an infrequent occurrence in the past few years (or decades or centuries, or millenia:-)) I will let others comment on America's birthday and the challenges we face as a nation. I will be reflecting upon a number of recent revelations. First of all, as a response to a suggestion by a dear friend recently a group of us celebrated Sue and my 50th wedding anniversary locally by attending the show, "The Music Man." I had forgotten that one of the songs was the following" ""Til There Was You" There were bells o...

Dear Sue, There ia so much I want to tell you, Sue. Happy Anniversary. 50 years, Sue...Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the years. One season following another laden with happiness and tears.(from Sunrise Sunset, Fiddler on the Roof) Sue, it wasn't a resort where we were all away for a few days but we were all together in our children's homes and everyone was interacting with each other and well you would have kvelled (rejoiced) and yeah, Sue, you would have cried tears of joy and graittude. When I returned, a dear friend asked me what you would have been wearing and I told her a flowered dress. She asked me to dance with you and as you and I hugged each other in our hearts we celebrated the beauty which we built together. The friend then brought out champaign glasses and we toasted with sparkling lemonade the love we shared that built a sacred family. The friend then surprised me (how she knew this I will never know) with Elite Chocolate from Israel that was our favor...

Dear Family and Friends, Please know as I write this on May 22, 2026, the night before what is Sue and my 50th wedding anniversary, I am surrounded by our children and grandchildren. Although this final chapter in my year of grieving from just before Passover of last year through Shavuot of this year (one can look up descriptions of these Festivals by doing an internet search)  is intensely emotional, I am okay. Those who read these blogs (and I am deeply appreciative of all of you who have told me you read them and particularly to those of you who have supported me in so many profound ways), you know I write them as a catharsis. Tonight is immensely emotional and of all the moments I have missed Sue, tonight may be the time I miss her the most.  So here goes as I try to put into words the feelings that are permeating my soul. Shavuot is known as the time of the giving of the !0 Commandments and in Hebrew the words are "zman matan Torah" the gift of receiving the Torah....

Dear Family and Friends, I was speaking with someone who has become a dear friend, about how to celebrate Sue and my 50th wedding anniversary. Last year in lieu of celebrating the anniversary, when our kids and grandkids came together, we celebrated May birthdays. My friend told me that it was very important to celebrate our anniversary since we are still married to each other even if she is no longer in this world. She certainly lives in my heart. So...the favor...This friend suggested collecting memories for what will become either a memory wall, a scrapbook, or part of the book which I am putting together with the help of a student of these blogs. If you are reading this (and I hope you are), could you send me a memory by email at rabbibruce@gmail.com with the subject "memories of Sue" so I can search for them since I will be traveling. A number of you reading these blogs knew Sue and some of you know her from stories I have told. Perhaps you could share a mem...

Dear Sue, It has been a year since we celebrated your life and every day, I celebrate what you meant and mean and will always mean to me. I confess that last night was harder than I thought it would be.  We started a tradition of having s'mores in honor of Lag B'Omer (folks can look up the custom of bonfires on My Jewish Learning.com and we have added making s'mores) because of a precious experience with one of our grandchildren. Sue, you know who I am talking about and how special that trip was for all of us.  As I was taking Mimi to the metro yesterday morning for a tour of the Capitol (she is really into learning and teaching as part of her tour director career and you would be thrilled) , the following song came on the satellite radio.  I have come to believe over the past year in the symbolism of special moments and Sue, I can't help falling in love with you (each day since you passed away...do you know that I am writing this????) (Please put this in your bro...

Dear Friends and Family, It has been awhile since I have written and as I sit here tonight, I am thinking about what has changed and what has stayed the same. I have found that I whistle this song almost every day. (See below) I think the reference to track is a reminder of my roots as the son of a railroader. I think the reference to roaming is all the time I spent serving others when I might have spent more time with Sue and our children. I think that I would trade so much to be able to journey forward with Sue and have come to realize that she will never disappear from my heart. As we prepare to place the marker by Sue's grave in what will be a private moment for me, I treasure the words that will live in perpetuity at the grave and in my soul. Still sparkling, always, kind...you are my beloved, you are my friend... These are the words that folks will see when they visit the cemetery as the days and years go by. I will probably write again in a few weeks since M...

Dear Friends, The year long journey from the ER to the OR to mourning and grief, toward silent shrieks and loud screams to a funeral and cemetery, to countless acts of kindness, to meeting angels sent by G-d or Sue, or who are just here and I didn't see them,  took me to the shore of the Red Sea last Wednesday morning.  The Scriptural reading for the seventh day of Passover is from the Book of Exodus and includes reading the Song at the Sea when Miriam celebrates freedom with music and dance. So, as I write this blog which will be the basis of the conclusion of the book which will contain these blogs and which is currently being edited by a very special student (maybe another angel?), I reflect on where I have been and where I am going. Many mornings as part of the religious service that I attend periodically by zoom, we often read the Biblical verses that say "I place before you the blessing and the curse, life and death, therefore choose life." It is more than past ...

Dear Friends and Family, I have asked this question many times throughout the past year..."Who knew????" It was a normal (whatever that means) day on April 1, 2025. I was sitting on the loveseat, Sue was sitting at the dining room table, and who knew that this would be Sue's last full day of life as we knew it???? I was on the phone with our insurance agent and after I told her a joke, she said she had told clients that she has a client who told good jokes. I put her on speaker and asked her to repeat that for Sue. I said to Sue that even our insurance agent liked my jokes and Sue just nodded her head. Then the insurance agent called out "April Fools" and I realized that I had been set up for an April fools joke about her telling people that I told good jokes. Sue thought that was very funny (I may never recover:-)) and then I left to teach and Sue went to the dentist to see if her mouth pain was a dental issue. I came back later that night (who knew ...

Dear Friends, Family, and Students, I confess that if you read this carefully, you will witness the journey of a lost soul who has struggled to find a ray of hope and healing in the midst of a year of walking through the valley of the shadow of death and tripping, falling, getting up, falling, getting up, and being escorted by angels. The journey I am about to describe is very intense for me and I hope you will be patient and gentle if you choose to respond. This week marks the year anniversary or yahrzeit on the Hebrew calendar of when Sue passed away. Please forgive the emotion and please be assured I am okay. I know that many of you worry about the intensity of these blogs, some of you probably think I am crazy, some of you would probably like to be taken off the mailing list, and some of you just delete them. I don't know what the future will bring, but I have found an editor and will be devoting my energy to putting these into a book so you may not be burdened by many...

Dear Friends, As I prepare to leave for Poland, I wanted to share a prayer that a dear student and friend sent. (See below) Please put the link into your browser since I don't know that you can open it. As we experience the horrors of the Holocaust, I hope that we will fill our lives with compassion. We will be visiting sites where we will see cruelty and hatred. May we all journey safely through our worlds, building loving relationships and practicing kindness. I can think of no better way to honor Sue. Shabbat shalom, Rabbi Bruce Aft Video to Song: source:%20YouTube https://share.google/6d20jTeQKPRW8EH9P

Dear Friends and Family, They tell me the journey is non linear and once again this week was proof that the valley of the shadow of death is a huge valley. I had the privilege of officiating at a wedding of a child of a close friend of Sue's and experienced the joy of the wedding. As the groom broke the glass to remind us that even in joy there is sadness I was momentarily overwhelmed realizing that Sue wasn't there to experience the happiness of being with her friend at this wonderful occasion. But THEN, everyone yelled mazel tov and the celebration continued. As the clock turned on 48 weeks yesterday I continue to ask those with whom I am close, when will I be able to experience the joy which I am sure that Sue would want me to experience. I wish I knew what she would be saying to me if she could tell me what her wishes were for me at this point in the grieving process. I continue to remember her positive attitude and as a close friend told me recently, the importanc...

Dear Friends and Family, Some revelations this week that I need to share and I want to also let you know about the special program in Sue's honor this week. Sue's birthday is this Tuesday and it is another first to experience.  I will be surrounded by family from today through her birthday which will be immensely supportive.  So many of you have continued to reach out and as I approach the completion of the year of mourning, your ongoing caring is unprecedented in my experience as a rabbi.  Everyone has people who support them, but the depth and quantity of the love and kindness I have received is a reminder that love changes everything.  Sue would be inspired by the ways in which you have taken care of me and it is a tribute to her that kindness does make a difference in a world that isn't always kind. As I have had to rabbinically guide a number of people recently as they are dealing with illness and death, I have finally accepted that although my faith in  and career...

Dear Friends, So much has happened in the past week. I appreciate your bearing with me in what is once again an emotional roller coaster. Folks tell me this journey is non linear and this week exemplified that BIG TIME. The week began with speaking at the funeral of a 47 year old former student and friend of our older children. As I tried to comfort the bereaved, it was a stark reminder of the fact that many of us suffer tragedies and I can't imagine what this family is going through. Sue was in certain ways like a mom to this student and she had deep feelings about his kindness and caring. She encouraged him and mentored him and it was a reminder of how important simple acts of caring can be. In conversations with a member of the family, they introduced me to the Buddhist idea that when we experience a tragic loss, it is like an arrow going through our hearts. We are in pain and often look to try to find reasons for our pain. That can lead to the second arrow which is th...

Dear Friends, I wanted to give you an update. It is now 44 weeks and perhaps it was being secluded in the snow and not seeing people for a few days or perhaps it is because it was the first snow storm since Sue passed away, but it has been a challenging time. Sometime soon, an editor is going to be compiling these blogs and the commentary I am writing and we hope to publish my musings sometime during 2026. Recently, one of our children and I were talking about an idea in Jewish life that there are 36 righteous people in every generation. We don't know who they are since they work behind the scenes and are unassuming. As we were talking about this, I realized that I may have been married to one of them. Many of you reading these blogs have told me that you never realized all the things that Sue did during her lifetime. These people are called lamed vavniks since the Hebrew letter "lamed" is numerically 30 (each Hebrew letter has a numerical value...this is called ge...

Dear Family and Friends, I think it is time. I will continue to blog on the blog site listed below but will be taking a break from sending these to individuals. It is time to begin to put these blogs for the past nine months into a book that I might be able to publish. Occasionally I will send them to you in this fashion if I am in need of support and guidance. I cannot express my gratitude to so many of you who have accompanied me on this journey. I hope you will stay in touch as you have done even though you are not personally receiving these blogs. Your friendship, caring, and love have been inspirational and have allowed me to continue to live and not merely survive. As a person who has made his career using words, I cannot find the words to thank you for your compassion. So...I will just say, "THANK YOU." Let me explain why I think it is time to take a break. I continue to hear Sue's voice telling me that I have said much of what I have written already ...

Dear Friends, In the Broadway Musical South Pacific, there is a song, "some enchanted evening you will meet a stranger...you will meet a stranger across a cr;owded room... Well, Sue and I met at Hillel in 1973 but the romance of the song didn't happen. We were at a coffee house as I recall and her friend was playing the guitar and was playing "Classical Gas." We were cordial and knew who each other were...but that was it. UNTIL... As you may remember from previous blogs, I got her convicted in a trial in Hebrew in the fall of 1974 in a Hebrew class. I teased her...what else is new...:-) and she stuck her tongue out at me. The rest is history as we developed a friendship that lasted into six decades. I will always be grateful to my mother for encouraging me to take one more semester of Hebrew because as she put it, "you might meet some nice Jewish girl." Well, I did meet a Jewish girl:-) ( I would tease Sue about this occasionally.... Last nigh...

Dear Friends and Family, As we conclude 2025, I have been reflecting upon what has clearly been the most difficult and challenging year of my life.  I also think about all the blessings which have been bestowed upon me by loving friends and family.  I have learned that those who cared about Sue and care about me really do care.   When my student told me that someday I would recognize that the line from Psalm 23 would make sense, they were right.  My cup does runneth over and goodness and kindness have been following me. The student told me that the challenge would be that there is a hole in the bottom of my cup and that at times I won't feel the blessings, kindness, and love because they will leak out.  They told me that slowly the hole would be smaller and that the blessings would once again fill my cup and overflow.   As I have walked through the valley  of the shadow of death, I have not been alone.  I am not quite ready  to concede that perhaps G-d has been with me through t...