Rabbi Bruce's Reflections on Life

Dear Sue, It has been a year since we celebrated your life and every day, I celebrate what you meant and mean and will always mean to me. I confess that last night was harder than I thought it would be.  We started a tradition of having s'mores in honor of Lag B'Omer (folks can look up the custom of bonfires on My Jewish Learning.com and we have added making s'mores) because of a precious experience with one of our grandchildren. Sue, you know who I am talking about and how special that trip was for all of us.  As I was taking Mimi to the metro yesterday morning for a tour of the Capitol (she is really into learning and teaching as part of her tour director career and you would be thrilled) , the following song came on the satellite radio.  I have come to believe over the past year in the symbolism of special moments and Sue, I can't help falling in love with you (each day since you passed away...do you know that I am writing this????) (Please put this in your bro...

Dear Friends and Family, It has been awhile since I have written and as I sit here tonight, I am thinking about what has changed and what has stayed the same. I have found that I whistle this song almost every day. (See below) I think the reference to track is a reminder of my roots as the son of a railroader. I think the reference to roaming is all the time I spent serving others when I might have spent more time with Sue and our children. I think that I would trade so much to be able to journey forward with Sue and have come to realize that she will never disappear from my heart. As we prepare to place the marker by Sue's grave in what will be a private moment for me, I treasure the words that will live in perpetuity at the grave and in my soul. Still sparkling, always, kind...you are my beloved, you are my friend... These are the words that folks will see when they visit the cemetery as the days and years go by. I will probably write again in a few weeks since M...

Dear Friends, The year long journey from the ER to the OR to mourning and grief, toward silent shrieks and loud screams to a funeral and cemetery, to countless acts of kindness, to meeting angels sent by G-d or Sue, or who are just here and I didn't see them,  took me to the shore of the Red Sea last Wednesday morning.  The Scriptural reading for the seventh day of Passover is from the Book of Exodus and includes reading the Song at the Sea when Miriam celebrates freedom with music and dance. So, as I write this blog which will be the basis of the conclusion of the book which will contain these blogs and which is currently being edited by a very special student (maybe another angel?), I reflect on where I have been and where I am going. Many mornings as part of the religious service that I attend periodically by zoom, we often read the Biblical verses that say "I place before you the blessing and the curse, life and death, therefore choose life." It is more than past ...

Dear Friends and Family, I have asked this question many times throughout the past year..."Who knew????" It was a normal (whatever that means) day on April 1, 2025. I was sitting on the loveseat, Sue was sitting at the dining room table, and who knew that this would be Sue's last full day of life as we knew it???? I was on the phone with our insurance agent and after I told her a joke, she said she had told clients that she has a client who told good jokes. I put her on speaker and asked her to repeat that for Sue. I said to Sue that even our insurance agent liked my jokes and Sue just nodded her head. Then the insurance agent called out "April Fools" and I realized that I had been set up for an April fools joke about her telling people that I told good jokes. Sue thought that was very funny (I may never recover:-)) and then I left to teach and Sue went to the dentist to see if her mouth pain was a dental issue. I came back later that night (who knew ...

Dear Friends, Family, and Students, I confess that if you read this carefully, you will witness the journey of a lost soul who has struggled to find a ray of hope and healing in the midst of a year of walking through the valley of the shadow of death and tripping, falling, getting up, falling, getting up, and being escorted by angels. The journey I am about to describe is very intense for me and I hope you will be patient and gentle if you choose to respond. This week marks the year anniversary or yahrzeit on the Hebrew calendar of when Sue passed away. Please forgive the emotion and please be assured I am okay. I know that many of you worry about the intensity of these blogs, some of you probably think I am crazy, some of you would probably like to be taken off the mailing list, and some of you just delete them. I don't know what the future will bring, but I have found an editor and will be devoting my energy to putting these into a book so you may not be burdened by many...

Dear Friends, As I prepare to leave for Poland, I wanted to share a prayer that a dear student and friend sent. (See below) Please put the link into your browser since I don't know that you can open it. As we experience the horrors of the Holocaust, I hope that we will fill our lives with compassion. We will be visiting sites where we will see cruelty and hatred. May we all journey safely through our worlds, building loving relationships and practicing kindness. I can think of no better way to honor Sue. Shabbat shalom, Rabbi Bruce Aft Video to Song: source:%20YouTube https://share.google/6d20jTeQKPRW8EH9P

Dear Friends and Family, They tell me the journey is non linear and once again this week was proof that the valley of the shadow of death is a huge valley. I had the privilege of officiating at a wedding of a child of a close friend of Sue's and experienced the joy of the wedding. As the groom broke the glass to remind us that even in joy there is sadness I was momentarily overwhelmed realizing that Sue wasn't there to experience the happiness of being with her friend at this wonderful occasion. But THEN, everyone yelled mazel tov and the celebration continued. As the clock turned on 48 weeks yesterday I continue to ask those with whom I am close, when will I be able to experience the joy which I am sure that Sue would want me to experience. I wish I knew what she would be saying to me if she could tell me what her wishes were for me at this point in the grieving process. I continue to remember her positive attitude and as a close friend told me recently, the importanc...

Dear Friends and Family, Some revelations this week that I need to share and I want to also let you know about the special program in Sue's honor this week. Sue's birthday is this Tuesday and it is another first to experience.  I will be surrounded by family from today through her birthday which will be immensely supportive.  So many of you have continued to reach out and as I approach the completion of the year of mourning, your ongoing caring is unprecedented in my experience as a rabbi.  Everyone has people who support them, but the depth and quantity of the love and kindness I have received is a reminder that love changes everything.  Sue would be inspired by the ways in which you have taken care of me and it is a tribute to her that kindness does make a difference in a world that isn't always kind. As I have had to rabbinically guide a number of people recently as they are dealing with illness and death, I have finally accepted that although my faith in  and career...

Dear Friends, So much has happened in the past week. I appreciate your bearing with me in what is once again an emotional roller coaster. Folks tell me this journey is non linear and this week exemplified that BIG TIME. The week began with speaking at the funeral of a 47 year old former student and friend of our older children. As I tried to comfort the bereaved, it was a stark reminder of the fact that many of us suffer tragedies and I can't imagine what this family is going through. Sue was in certain ways like a mom to this student and she had deep feelings about his kindness and caring. She encouraged him and mentored him and it was a reminder of how important simple acts of caring can be. In conversations with a member of the family, they introduced me to the Buddhist idea that when we experience a tragic loss, it is like an arrow going through our hearts. We are in pain and often look to try to find reasons for our pain. That can lead to the second arrow which is th...

Dear Friends, I wanted to give you an update. It is now 44 weeks and perhaps it was being secluded in the snow and not seeing people for a few days or perhaps it is because it was the first snow storm since Sue passed away, but it has been a challenging time. Sometime soon, an editor is going to be compiling these blogs and the commentary I am writing and we hope to publish my musings sometime during 2026. Recently, one of our children and I were talking about an idea in Jewish life that there are 36 righteous people in every generation. We don't know who they are since they work behind the scenes and are unassuming. As we were talking about this, I realized that I may have been married to one of them. Many of you reading these blogs have told me that you never realized all the things that Sue did during her lifetime. These people are called lamed vavniks since the Hebrew letter "lamed" is numerically 30 (each Hebrew letter has a numerical value...this is called ge...

Dear Family and Friends, I think it is time. I will continue to blog on the blog site listed below but will be taking a break from sending these to individuals. It is time to begin to put these blogs for the past nine months into a book that I might be able to publish. Occasionally I will send them to you in this fashion if I am in need of support and guidance. I cannot express my gratitude to so many of you who have accompanied me on this journey. I hope you will stay in touch as you have done even though you are not personally receiving these blogs. Your friendship, caring, and love have been inspirational and have allowed me to continue to live and not merely survive. As a person who has made his career using words, I cannot find the words to thank you for your compassion. So...I will just say, "THANK YOU." Let me explain why I think it is time to take a break. I continue to hear Sue's voice telling me that I have said much of what I have written already ...

Dear Friends, In the Broadway Musical South Pacific, there is a song, "some enchanted evening you will meet a stranger...you will meet a stranger across a cr;owded room... Well, Sue and I met at Hillel in 1973 but the romance of the song didn't happen. We were at a coffee house as I recall and her friend was playing the guitar and was playing "Classical Gas." We were cordial and knew who each other were...but that was it. UNTIL... As you may remember from previous blogs, I got her convicted in a trial in Hebrew in the fall of 1974 in a Hebrew class. I teased her...what else is new...:-) and she stuck her tongue out at me. The rest is history as we developed a friendship that lasted into six decades. I will always be grateful to my mother for encouraging me to take one more semester of Hebrew because as she put it, "you might meet some nice Jewish girl." Well, I did meet a Jewish girl:-) ( I would tease Sue about this occasionally.... Last nigh...

Dear Friends and Family, As we conclude 2025, I have been reflecting upon what has clearly been the most difficult and challenging year of my life.  I also think about all the blessings which have been bestowed upon me by loving friends and family.  I have learned that those who cared about Sue and care about me really do care.   When my student told me that someday I would recognize that the line from Psalm 23 would make sense, they were right.  My cup does runneth over and goodness and kindness have been following me. The student told me that the challenge would be that there is a hole in the bottom of my cup and that at times I won't feel the blessings, kindness, and love because they will leak out.  They told me that slowly the hole would be smaller and that the blessings would once again fill my cup and overflow.   As I have walked through the valley  of the shadow of death, I have not been alone.  I am not quite ready  to concede that perhaps G-d has been with me through t...

Dear Friends, Once again, I want to let folks know that if you want to be removed from this blog list, please let me know.  A few of you indicated you wish to stay on the list and a few of you  asked to be removed.. Please continue to know how much I appreciate ALL the support that many of you  are giving me with your  comments.  I write these blogs when I am in the midst of a challenging time. Back in the day, I would share things with my best friend but since that isn't possible in our physical world, I write and it helps.  Once again, thanks for accompanying me on this journey. Today it is actually 39  weeks since Sue passed away and I need to share some reflections about things that I have learned.  Sue would tell me that I have said much of this already, but as one would expect, the Holiday  season has been challenging so please forgive me.. First of all, when I went to see Fiddler on the Roof recently, I was particularly  moved by  the song which is sung under the chuppa...

Hi Everyone, I have been blessed by the presence of so many  of you through email, texts, zoom, meetings, and phone calls. This morning, for the first time during this Holidays season without papers to grade, classes to teach, and meetings to attend, it has hit me that I am home alone.  It has been a challenging morning filled with laughter and tears. I have been reflecting on a number of things and appreciate your willingness to read these emails.  Once again, as a number of you have done, please let me know if you want me to remove your name from my list and I will happily accommodate your request.  Sue would be surprised that any of you are still reading theses and would say to me "you said all this already" although she knew I would continue to say what is in my heart. As I drove back from the Midwest on Saturday and Sunday   and listened to Radio Chanukah, I continued to receive signs of her presence throughout the drive. There was a particularly poignant sign when I...

Dear Friends and Family, As I visit with family without Sue and try to experience the joy  which I know we would have shared together, it has been a tough week. When I was at the airport this morning I asked Sue  to send me a sign or something since I was really struggling as tears fell down my cheeks again (I thought maybe the intensity of the grieving would lessen, but not yet... As the day progressed I will share with  you  the overwhelming number of things that occurred that led me to believe that I was inundated with signs. First some background...When i teach about the Bible, i teach that my  favorite character in the Bible is nameless.  In the Joseph story (many  of  you  will remember this), there is a  character who is referred to as "ha ish" or the person.  It could be any of us and the "person" asks Joseph, "what are you  seeking?"  (or can I help).  The person gives Joseph directions to find his brothers that helps him to survive although ...

Dear Family, Friends, and Students,, Those of you familiar with the Hebrew language know that in Hrebrew letters, the number 18 is represented by the letters which form the Hebrew word Chai, or life. This week it has been double chai months since Sue passed away. Everywhere we went it has been Rabbi Bruce and Sue or Bruce and Sue or Sue and Bruce and as I continue to wrestle with my name change to just Bruce, I had another revelation this week. A friend told me that wherever I journey from here, it is not just as Bruce. Sue will always be right there with me and certainly resides permanently in my heart. So as I continue my journey I had an intense experience at a local retirement home where one of the staff people was able to help me through a pivotal moment in my healing. We were celebrating Chanukah and the activities person put on the song, "Light One Candle" (see below and for those who cannot click on the link, please put the link in your browser to hear Peter...

Dear Friends and Family, As I reflect upon a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with the bitter and the sweet as I wrote about last week, I am overwhelmed this week and have turned to the weekly Torah (Scriptural) reading for inspiration and comfort. I continue to be told that grief is not a linear process and that there will be steps forward and backward.  This blog will reflect my internal wrestling match. If Jewish tradition is relevant here and our lives in this world and the ways we remember our loved ones elevate their souls in the world to come, then I continue to hope and pray that perhaps Sue's soul is at peace and that life, whatever it is, is kinder to her than parts of the last months of her life.  Between the cancer surgery, her time at the dentist dealing with mouth pain, and then the fateful days eight months ago with the heart surgery, I can't help but think that even Susie sunshine as we would sometimes call her, had to be struggling a bit.  I am not the first pe...

Dear Friends, As I write this blog early on the morning before Thanksgiving and I hear a grandchild go into their parents' room and say good morning, I wanted to share a blog I wish I didn't have to write and yet as you  see I must. I have been filled with such strong emotions for almost eight months now and those of you who read these blogs, know that I have opened my soul The intensity of the emotion this morning is at an all time high as I am flooded with wonderful memories, sweet moments, snuggles, sparkles, and am surrounded by the love of family, friends, and so many of my students.  People are reading out from across the globe because they know that Thanksgiving was a sacred day in our home. As I peer through the tears I have turned to a song that was written after the 1973 Yom Kippur War in Israel by Naomi Shemer.  I have included a link to an English translation for the song and hope that you will put the name of the song into your browser and watch and listen to di...

Dear Friends, As I spend time with family in the Midwest before Thanksgiving and other family members and friends in VA during Thanksgiving week, I am thinking a lot about the first Thanksgiving since Sue passed away. As often happens I was driving and the following song came on the radio which reminded me of so much of what I have felt and want to express as Thanksgiving approaches.  (See below. Please put the titles into your browser to hear the songs) As the lyrics in the song say, They say that all good things must end someday Autumn leaves must fallBut don't you know that it hurts me so To say goodbye to you? Wish you didn't have to go No, no, no, noAnd when the rain beats against my window pane I'll think of summer days again And dream of you. When I visited Sue's parents' graves last week, I was reminded of what her father said when we would recite the motzi or prayer before eating bread.  He would say, "let's all say baruch (blessing)." ...