35 weeks/ Eight Months

Dear Friends and Family, As I reflect upon a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with the bitter and the sweet as I wrote about last week, I am overwhelmed this week and have turned to the weekly Torah (Scriptural) reading for inspiration and comfort. I continue to be told that grief is not a linear process and that there will be steps forward and backward.  This blog will reflect my internal wrestling match. If Jewish tradition is relevant here and our lives in this world and the ways we remember our loved ones elevate their souls in the world to come, then I continue to hope and pray that perhaps Sue's soul is at peace and that life, whatever it is, is kinder to her than parts of the last months of her life.  Between the cancer surgery, her time at the dentist dealing with mouth pain, and then the fateful days eight months ago with the heart surgery, I can't help but think that even Susie sunshine as we would sometimes call her, had to be struggling a bit.  I am not the first person nor will I be the last person to ask why and I know from years of study and teaching that the anasers won't come to the question why.  The question that can be answered is "when?" So, let's turn to Elie Wiesel's section on Jacob in his book "Messengers of G-d"  I will let him speak here: "....Jacob was left alone.  And a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. It was a silent struggle, silent and absurd.  What did the stranger want?  Nobody knew, not even Jacob. They wrestled until dawn, neither uttering a word.  Only then did the assilent speak:  Day is breaking, let me go...I will not let you  go until you bless me....they clutched each other once more.  Theirs was an awesome fight, yet in the end they had to give up, neither being able to claim victory.  Both were wounded...Yet they part friends, or was it accomplices?  Jacob accepted his aggressor's departure willingly; the latter, as if to thank him, made him a gift: a new name which in generations to come would symbolize eternal struggle and endurance...." Jacob's name becomes Israel, which means to wrestle with G-d. I continue to wrestle with so many questions for which there are no answers, only responses.  Perhaps the wrestling match is a blessing since love and grief are so tightly intertwined. The grief I feel reflects the depth of our love and what a blessing that was and continues to be... As I concluded one of my classes this week for the semester, a student stayed after and told me that everything I taught throughout the semester  reflected kindness.  If in fact, the question is not wny bad things happen, but when they happen, how do we respond, perhaps Sue's soul is being elevated through acts of kindness.  Perhaps through the wounds of an eight month wrestling match that I suspect will continue for the remainder of my life, channeling Sue's kindness will have to be my blessing throughout the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. I will be teaching the scroll of Ecclesiastes today and will be sharing Chapter Three that reminds us that there is a time for every season under heaven.  As you listen to this song (please put the link in your browser).  I pray for there to be a time for peace for all of us and that the student was correct...may all our activities be filled with kindness since Sue believed that there is always time to be kind and time to hug each other through caring and loving acts. B'shalom, Rabbi Bruce Aft To Everything Turn Turn Turn YouTube · TheByrds https://youtu.be/xVOJla2vYx8?si=_IV__JTUXq76sjea