A Year Since the Celebration of Life and I Can't Help Falling in Love with You

Dear Sue, It has been a year since we celebrated your life and every day, I celebrate what you meant and mean and will always mean to me. I confess that last night was harder than I thought it would be.  We started a tradition of having s'mores in honor of Lag B'Omer (folks can look up the custom of bonfires on My Jewish Learning.com and we have added making s'mores) because of a precious experience with one of our grandchildren. Sue, you know who I am talking about and how special that trip was for all of us.  As I was taking Mimi to the metro yesterday morning for a tour of the Capitol (she is really into learning and teaching as part of her tour director career and you would be thrilled) , the following song came on the satellite radio.  I have come to believe over the past year in the symbolism of special moments and Sue, I can't help falling in love with you (each day since you passed away...do you know that I am writing this????) (Please put this in your browser) Can't Help Falling in Love Song by Elvis Presley ‧ 1961 ​​​YouTube • ElvisPresleyVEVO   Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love (Official Audio As i reflected on the celebration of life  a year ago, I found the following  words by Andrew Lloyd Webber which describes my feelings for you on that day and every day even when I didn't tell you and even when I was complaining about your almost vegan diet and all the other silly things that seemed so meaningful at the time.   Love, love changes everything Hands and faces, earth and sky Love, love changes everything How you live and how you die Love can make the summer fly Or a night seem like a lifetime Yes love, love changes everything Now I tremble at your name Nothing in the world will ever be the same Love, love changes everything Days are longer, words mean more Love, love changes everything Pain is deeper than before Love will turn your world around And that world will last for ever Yes love, love changes everything Brings you glory, brings you shame Nothing in the world will ever be the same Off into the world we go Planning futures, shaping years Love bursts in and suddenly All our wisdom disappears Love makes fools of everyone All the rules we make are broken Yes love, love changes everyone Live or perish in its flame Love will never, never let you be the same Love will never, never let you be the same! I have learned that not only love changes everything, but GRIEF changes everything.  Certainly, GRIEF has changed everything since you left this world.  Everyone who knows me and who reads these blogs (and you told me in the ER that I could tell the world about your heart surgery. and so there are a lot of people receiving these blogs)  Who knew that I would be telling them about the end of our era together and who knew how much I would miss you? And per our bantering you said Aaron gets the baseball cards but I still have them:-) and I still owe you a tickling of your feet sometime somewhere. You told me no on that fateful evening but I owe you..:-( :-).   You know that my Dad liked the song, "They Call the Wind Maria" from the Broadway show, "Paint Your Wagon."  There is a line that says I'm so lost and all alone, not even G-d can find me.."  Well, if you are with G-d now, please tell G-d that I am here with you in my heart. May is a tough month, Sue.  Mother's Day is coming, it will be my birthday, it is two of four children's birthdays, one of our grandchildren's birthdays, and of course this May 23 will be our 50th wedding anniversary.  I know how special that day was going to be for you and me and we will be together somehow in spirit with our children and grandchildren. Soon, I will be seeing the marker at your grave and I will write to you again and we will celebrate with snuggles, sparkles, and sacred moments with our family. when we gather to celebrate #50.  Sue, I will miss you there physically but hopefully somehow you will be there through the love which will be in our hearts. I know you would tell me that I am overtired (which I am) and that I should go to sleep which I did.. But...I can't help falling in love with you every day and grief makes everything more intense.  Btw, the s'mores were great and I had two...please don't yell at me for too much sugar:-( I had to eat one for you:-) Love, Bruce

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In Memory of My Beloved Wife

  Dear Friends, As we celebrate the conclusion of Passover, I am sharing with you some very sad news. Sue died two weeks ago when her aorta suddenly burst.  Our last days together were filled with joy, travel, humor, and we had no idea that this might occur. Honestly, I am incredibly sad but surrounded by hundreds of people who wish to support me.  I wish I knew what to ask for...I have been told that people get through this, but at this point it seems hard to imagine that this will occur. In honor of Sue, I hope you will learn from the following teaching by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory.  In a posting, he writes that at the Passover Seder we hold up a piece of matzah (unleavened bread) and declare that it is the bread of affliction.  We also open the door in order to invite those who are hungry to join us for our festive meal. It seems rude to offer guests a "bread of affliction."  But as we offer the matzah to others and invite them in, the matza...
Read more

20 Weeks...Walking through the Valley....

Image
  Dear Friends, I continue to appreciate that you are accompanying me on my grief journey. Your wisdom and continuing support are integral to my healing and thanks for being there to read these blogs and comment as you wish. I value your insights, hugs, jokes, and words of comfort. I was speaking with someone who told me that in Psalm 23 it says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...." It does not say one should get stuck in the valley of the shadow of death, but rather to walk through it and hopefully emerge into a world where we are able to acknowledge that "my cup runneth over, sure goodness and kindness will follow  me all the days of my life." As we mark 20 weeks since Sue passed away, I think about how there are times I feel stuck in the valley of the shadow of death and how goodness and kindness may be Divine attempts to move me through the valley.  Surely, many of you are showing me that goodness and kindness. I am reminded of the ...
Read more

11 weeks later....Personal Reflections

Image
 Dear Friends, I wanted to share some reflections 11 weeks after Sue's passing.  Please let me know if you cannot open the links below. As I think about everything that has happened, I am overwhelmed by grief and by the kindness that has been shown to me. I was listening to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah which you can click on below.  The broken and cold and lonely Hallelujah are a reminder of all the heartbreak I am experiencing and the joy that Sue and I shared over the years and her ongoing legacy of kindness.  (see below) On this Shabbat when we read the Portion Shelach Lecha (Numbers 13-15), we read about the scouts who check out the Promised Land.  They come back with differing reports about whether the Israelities will be able to successfully enter the Promised Land.  I am continuing to learn about the various ways to experience the grieving process and move between moments of intense grief and moments of sacred joy.  We all know the ...
Read more