From Treblinka to Auschwitz to Budapest to Prague...I Can't Believe It Has Been a Year....

Dear Friends, Family, and Students, I confess that if you read this carefully, you will witness the journey of a lost soul who has struggled to find a ray of hope and healing in the midst of a year of walking through the valley of the shadow of death and tripping, falling, getting up, falling, getting up, and being escorted by angels. The journey I am about to describe is very intense for me and I hope you will be patient and gentle if you choose to respond. This week marks the year anniversary or yahrzeit on the Hebrew calendar of when Sue passed away. Please forgive the emotion and please be assured I am okay. I know that many of you worry about the intensity of these blogs, some of you probably think I am crazy, some of you would probably like to be taken off the mailing list, and some of you just delete them. I don't know what the future will bring, but I have found an editor and will be devoting my energy to putting these into a book so you may not be burdened by many if any of these grief related blogs after this one. I have just returned from a week in Poland with 23 college students, administrators, staff, professors, and friends. I spent a second week in Budapest, Bratizlava, and Prague with two students who were searching out family connections. When I left for Poland I hoped that in the midst of the tragedies I would witness, that I would find perspective for my own grief. I will describe a number of incidents where that occurred. We were in Treblinka (you can look up these concentration camps as you wish) with a dear friend who I have only met on two occasions in my life and yet who is like a family member to me. She came with us to Treblinka to remember her great grandma, who died there. As she shared memories of her great grandma, we embraced, we talked about when all that is left is love that we should give it away, and then said the Mourner's Kaddish (memorial prayer). We have agreed that in that moment when we were remembering her great grandma and talking about love in the midst of the horror and destruction at arguably one of the worst places on earth where the most heinous of activites occurred, we were speaking about the power of love. My friend and I have agreed that this was a magical experience and I wish I could describe the significance of being in a place of horror and speaking of love, kindness, and caring. If we could do that there, then certainly in my grieving process after a life well lived, I could and MUST celebrate the power of CARING, LOVE, and KINDNESS, and be grateful for the blessings of being privileged, and being able to share all the SACRED MOMENTS with which we were blessed. If my friend could do this at Treblinka, then shame on me for not being able to do that in the world in which we have been blessed to live. I hope you are still reading because the next stop is Auschwitz, where a good friend's fiance, who lost family in Auschwitz and recently lost her brother was our guide. She too spoke about her connection to her family who died at Auschwitz and her work to teach others diligently about the world in which the victms of the Holocaust lived. As we were leaving Birkenau, we embraced and she expressed sympathy to me on my loss and we walked out of Birkenau arm in arm. At that point she shared with me that she had recently lost her brother and that our responsiblity is to carry on both her brother's and Sue's legacy of kindness, love, and caring. If a woman who lost family in Auschwitz Birkenau and suffered the loss of her brother can speak of legacies of kindness, love, and caring, then once again, I have a moral imperative to perpetuate Sue's sparkling personality. My friend and his fiance will be married in Israel according to Jewish law and then hopefully will have a religious ceremony in Poland at which I hope I wll be able to officiate. I have written about the joy of the Jewish wedding, the breaking of the glass to remember the suffering in our world, and then the joy of the mazel tov after breaking the glass. In my wildest imagination, it never occurred to me that I would be talking about a wedding in Auschwitz Birkenau. What a sacred way to combat the sadness and hatred in our world...to be planning for a future filled with love. What a joy it was to share that moment together and to think about how joyful Sue would be that even in the midst of horrific behavior, we could still be hopeful. HOW DARE I NOT CELEBRATE JOY AND BE HOPEFUL. Speaking of hope...when one of our grandchildren was born, we sent a gift which included a big stuffed bear. One of my favorite pictures is of Sue holding the bear. We went into a store in Warsaw that sold stuffed animals and one of the students must have somehow known about the connection to the stuffed animal because she bought one for me with a heart and gave it to me as a gift. As I described at our Shabbat dinner in Krakow, we are surrounded by angels of peace when we celebrate Shabbat with a nice meal, reciting the Shabbat blessings including one called "Shalom Aleichem" (you can look it up). Truly her kindness was angelic and maybe just maybe Sue was aware of her thoughtfulness. The next anecdote I will describe was in the Spanish synagogue in Prague where I had one of the most intense moments in this year of grief. Many years ago, Sue and I celebrated the wedding of the current liberal rabbi in Prague in that synagogue. As I recalled participating in the service at which my colleague and his wife received their wedding blessing, I could remember the joy which Sue and I felt in that moment and how for a special moment, the entire Jewish community came together to celebrate hope for the future. As I thought about that service and the wedding the next day, I could feel Sue's presence in that sacred space. Later that night I would preach in his synagogue about the power of connecting to our loved ones and the power of love. At the conclusion of the sermonette, I called up the rabbi's wife (he was away at a conference), and we embraced, celebrating their love for each other and in my heart my love for Sue. While in the Spanish synagogue earlier that day, I said the Mourner's Kaddish and for the first time since I played catch last summer with one of our grandchildren at the Field of Dreams (in case you don't remember, I asked for hugs after that experience and I received countless hugs from you who are reading these LONG BLOGS), I truly felt Sue's presence and found great meaning in this prayer of remembrance. The next anecdote which may have been the most sacred moment of my rabbinic career was when we were in the Pinkas synagogue in Prague which lists on the walls of the synagogue those from Prague who died during Holocaust. My student found the name of the woman after whom she was named and in as intense a moment as I have experienced as a rabbi, she was so visibly moved, wiped away tears, and I could see the glow of her soul on her face and she lovingly connected to her family. In a selfish way, in that moment, I felt that the holiest deed we perform is to connect to our family members and friends, In a world where we connect on social media and have lots of "friends" and "followers" this was a reminder that real connection is through loving interactions. Sue taught me the power of loving connections and once again if she had been there in that moment, and maybe she was..., the sparkle of love would have lit up the darkness of any sad moments One cannot describe the love which comes from the soul, but I was privileged to witness it on my student's face and experience it for over 50 years. What a blessing.... For any of you who are still reading this, I will close with a moment from Budapest where I was leading a discussion for a group that is involved in something called Moishe's House ( you can look it up...) We talked about the quote from Viktor Frankl who writes that if one has a why, one can endure any what. As a Holocaust survivor, if he can write that, then I think it is a call to all of us to find a purpose in life to help us endure the challenging moments and remember to celebrate the joyful ones. We spent over an hour speaking of what our purposes are and what our "whys" are. As we concluded I believe that we had created a sacred space in which we had experienced the Divine Presence. And this is what I learned... Sue and my "whys" were to create a loving family, connect with each other, share sparkles and snuugles, and to make our worlds a little bit kinder and more loving. So this is the path forward...to perpetuate love and kindness and to to do everything I can do to make just one someone happy, make just one someone happy.(check out the lyrics to this song) The legacies which need to emerge from Treblinka, Auschwitz Birkenau, the Pinkas synagogue and the Spanish synagogue in Prague, and the living room of an apartment in Budapest need to be actions which can fulfill two of the songs we heard at a jazz club in Prague one of the nights we were there. First, the musicians played "On the sunny side of the street" and we must create that light and sunshine in a world that is filled with threatening clouds. Secondly, we must not just listen to the song, "It's a Wonderful World" but we must make it a wonderful world. When they played that song, my tears were not tears of sadness, but tears that can hopefully nourish future acts of kindness and love. (by the way this is the jazz club where President Clinton played his saxophone and Louis Armstrong, among other celebrities was there). I hope and pray that as the formal year of mourning draws to a close this week on the Hebrew calendar and in the next month on our secular calendar, that I will find the courage to make my life a blessing and to perpetuate the joy which Sue brought to all of us. I hope to bless the memories of my friend's great grandma, my friend's family and brother, my student's namesake, and the memories of all thosse who met horrible deaths during the Holocaust. I hope I will find meaningful whys to give purpose to what will be a challenging new journey. Shortly after Sue passed away, a VERY DEAR FRIEND who will know who you are and who loved to share book titles with Sue as they were and are both avid readers gave me the book, "Theo of Golden" ( I recommend it). The book describes the power of kindness and perhaps completing that book on the airplane back yesterday was a reminder of what my "why" could be. Thank you for listening, and try to find the sunny side of the street and make it a wonderful world. Sue would apprecicate you for your efforts and remember when we save one life, we save an entire world. And to the last person who saw me before I had to enter the empty house last night after this life changing trip, the look on your face as you asked me if I was okay and I gave you an unclear answer, reminds me that I will be okay because of all the people who care so deeply and who have demonstrated their love throughout this year and hopefully won't stop now. I am looking at a stuffed animal which looks like a sunflower which brightens the living room which was sent anonymously with a note that says somebody loves you. Well I am blessed by lots of somebodies and most importantly by Sue physically for so many years and now eternally in my heart and in the lives of our children, grandchildren, and all who knew her and were touched by her. With great appreciation to all of you, Rabbi Bruce Aft \