In Sunny Days or Stormy Weather

Dear Friends and Family, As the summer progresses and the reality of these blogs becoming a book becomes closer (hopefully we will send it to a publisher by the end of the summer), the levels of emotion ebb and flow like a yo yo going up and down. I thought I would just include this in the book but decided to send this to those of you who are still reading these blogs.  As many of you know and perhaps most of you  have figured out, my way of coping with the nonlinear journey of grief is to write during the challenging times.  Once again as you click on the link to the following song or put it in your browser, I wish I had expressed this to Sue.  However, as I begin to go through Sue's things, I am finding evidence of the small gifts and notes I sent her over the years that I didn't realize she saved and perhaps, just maybe perhaps, she knew what the words of this song express.  Please substitute Susie for Mary (or substitute your partner's name and be sure they know how you feel) Mary In The Morning (Remastered 2001) YouTube · Glen Campbell279K+ views · 9 years ago 3:04 Although some of you may think this is tmi, I want to share a ritual that Sue and I had. When I would get up in the morning and then come upstairs a bit later to wake Sue up (she would have a 10 minute warning:-) ao she could snooze,  hence her nickname, Snoozie.  She would pretend to be asleep and I would gently kiss her and she would open her eyes with a huge smile and we both knew she was just waiting for her knight in shining armor to awaken her.  I had forgotten this ritual until I heard this song.  One of the things I miss the most is the sight of Susie in the morning... Then I was listening to the oldies station on satellite radio and the following song reminded me of the scene in the ICU after Sue's surgery which I now can finally write about.  It clearly was the most painful day of my life as I struggled to find the words to say to  Sue.  With the coaching of a dear friend, I was asked what I said to Sue in those final moments and what else I witnessed in the ICU. I honestly was paralyzed with an inability to say much of anything and for that I am regretful.  I hope I said something that was comforting but I really don't remember. But if I could have said something, these words encapsulate the message that I would have wanted to convey in those sad and tortuous moments. Chad & Jeremy "A Summer Song" YouTube · NRRArchives24.7M+ views · 13 years ago 3:39 Yes, all good things must end... I should describe what took place in those moments that filled that time with deep love and affection.  In a very ironic way a conversation with Verizon turned into a sacred moment.  Let me explain. In the ICU our children were each expressing their love for their Mom in a very special way that was individual and unique for each of them. I was overwhelmed and as I just wrote, I am not sure what I said or did in those painful moments but their love was inspirational and comforting. So, what does this have to do with Verizon?  As I was updating our phone plan, I needed to use Sue's phone so that I could get the information I needed to change our plan. I had not opened her phone in months since it was recommended that I should keep her texts and communication private.  I confess I scrolled through her texts and found three notes to her since she had passed away.  One was from a former student of Sue's, one was from a grandchild, and one was from one of our children who wished her happy birthday on her first birthday since she passed away..  The tenderness and love that is present in these texts caused me to break down while I was on the phone with the Verizon person.  She said that I should take my time, and stayed with me, walking me through all the changes and told me that G-d would comfort me.  I was overwhelmed by her tenderness and spoke to her supervisor about her angelic behavior.  It truly was a surreal moment only to be exceeded by the following. I had to speak to a second person and she had warned him that I was pretty emotional. He confided in me that his father had died recently  and that he regretted that he chose to go to work instead of visiting his Dad and that he never had the chance to say goodbye. We consoled each other and when our business was finally completed, I realized that I had been on the phone for 21/2 hours with the Verizon people. So, the love I witnessed in the ICU, the love I hope Sue knew I shared with her, and the caring of Verizon people are still more reminders of the power of love to overcome death.   Finally, recently I came across the following reading by Rabbi Naomi Levy which reminded me of the love and light which is Sue's legacy and I hope it inspires you as it inspires me. A Memorial Prayer   I haven’t forgotten you, even though it’s been some time now since I’ve seen your face, touched your hand, heard your voice. You are with me all the time. I used to think you left me. I know better now. You come to me. Sometimes in fleeting moments I feel your presence close by. But I still miss you. And nothing, no person, no joy, no accomplishment, no distraction, not even God, can fill the gaping hole your absence has left in my life. But mixed together with all my sadness, there is a great joy for having known you. I want to thank you for the time we shared, for the love you gave, for the wisdom you spread. Thank you for the magnificent moments and for the ordinary ones too. There was beauty in our simplicity. Holiness in our unspectacular days. And I will carry the lessons you taught me always. Your life has ended, but your light can never be extinguished. It continues to shine upon me even on the darkest nights and illuminates my way. I light this candle in your honor and in your memory. May God bless you as you have blessed me with love, with grace, and with peace. Amen. Levy, Naomi. Talking to God: Personal Prayers for Times of Joy, Sadness, Struggle, and Celebration (pp. 220-222). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. I have lit a number of yahrzeit candles at special times this past year and when I light Shabbat candles, I remember that nothing is quite as pretty as Snoozie in the morning, and that her love and light do not need to end as long as we continue to perform acts of kindness. Thanks again to all of you for bearing with my moods and blogs.  You truly continue to walk through the valley  of the shadow of death with me and your support reminds me that my cup continues to runneth over since goodness and kindness are following me as I negotiate the grief journey. B'ahalom (in peace), Rabbi Bruce Aft