32 weeks...where it all began...

Dear Friends, I am writing this blog after having visited the Temple in Champaign, Illinois  where Sue and I were married.  I wanted to see where we met at the University of Illinois, and to reflect on the wonder of beginning a 50 year love affair.  We began the affair in Hebrew class where I got her convicted in a trial in Hebrew and her response to my teasing was to stick her tongue out at me.  I was smitten in that moment and Sue was smitten when I took a picture of an older couple on a walk through the Presidential gardens a couple days later.  We attended services for our first date where I lied to get her to attend by telling her my roommate was going with his girlfriend and I didn't want to be a third.  My roommate had no intent on going but did and so Sue came with me.  The rest is history.... I drove past the dorm where we lived, went to Hillel, the building where the Jewish students meet and attended a service there.  I went into the coffee house across from the Fine Arts Center on campus (Krannert), where we talked and talked and fell more and more in love as our friendship grew.  Oh, how I long for those conversations with my best friend and as I went to these places, it was a reminder of the blessing of being Sue's best friend.  I drove past the house where Sue lived with her family when I met her and the owners were outside.  They showed me around and it was so special to see a young couple who had known sadness, outside with their small child and were welcoming me in the same way Abraham and Sarah welcomed the guests into their tent after Abraham was circumcised.  I think that there must be so much kindness in that house that inspired Sue and continues to inspire a new generation who currently occupy that house. Finally, last night I attended services at the Temple in Champaign.   I read one of Sue's favorite prayers which I will include again at the completion of this email although I know that most of you have seen it before.  And...I read the poem which my Mom read to us at our wedding and I had a vision of this beautiful bride posing with me under a flag (it was the bicentennial year, 1976). which we have displayed in our home for years. I had a vision of the Chuppah (marriage canopy) on the bima, and two young people who had no idea what we were doing, standing under it.  I remembered walking into the ceremony munching on cashew nuts and my Mother telling me to smile.  I couldn't since I had a mouth full of cashews ( an addiction I have to this day:-)) I saw her confirmation picture on the wall in the school wing and this 16 year old teenager who would become the most special and important person I would ever meet. I was overwhelmed with sadness as I continue to wrestle with Sue's passing and overwhelmed with joy that we had such a sacred relationship.  The memories flowed more than the rain fell in the flood story about Noah.  (and the tears also...) At the service at Hillel, the rabbi and student leaders spoke about the weekly portion where we read about the death of Sarah and Abraham and the love affair between Isaac and Rebekkah.  They spoke about how we live with sadness and joy and that I was reminded that although we read about Sarah's death,  the portion is called the Chayei Sarah, the life of Sarah.  I had a revelation that I have dwelt long enough on Sue's passing and now it is time to move forward and celebrate her life.  Sarah's life has impacted on generations and I need to remember that Sue's LIFE will continue to impact on all of us. This week at George Mason University, Rev. Naomi Tutu spoke at a program in Sue's honor that will initiate programs that will feature conversations that will heal us and help us dialogue about peace and reconciliation.  When the President of George Mason, who had been in our home for a Passover Seder, spoke about Sue, he talked about how her kindness has influenced us and will continue to influence us.  Rev. Tutu related an anecdote about how after she had scored a winning soccer goal, her Mother told her that although she scored the goal, there were many teammates that helped her get into a position to score that goal and that we achieve things by working together.. If we reach our goal of Umbutu (reconciliation), there will be many teammates who will make that happen.  Sue will have been, is, and will continue to be my teammate in the pursuit of a better world where perhaps we can keep hope alive for peace and harmony. As I heal and make this transition to remembering the life of Sue rather than her passing,  I will celebrate our love affair which embodied the kindness that brought Isaac and Rebecca together.  Perhaps this kindness will inspire all of us to be kinder and more loving and as the prayer concludes, "give our love away."  I also will be eternally grateful for ALL your support as my teammates on this path through the valley of the shadow of death.  And may all of us live each day to the fullest....(I know you have seen this poem before which is written by S.H. Payer) Shabbat Shalom. Rabbi Bruce Aft  Live each day to the fullest.Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life.Then you can look forward with confidence, and back without regrets.Be yourself, but be your best self.Dare to be different and follow your own star.Don’t be afraid to be happy and enjoy what is beautiful.Love with all your heart and soul. Believe that those you love, love you.When you are faced with a decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it.The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.Above all, remember that God helps those who help themselves.Act as if everything depended on you and pray as if everything depended on God. When All That’s Left Is Love by Rabbi Allen S. Maller When I die  If you need to weep Cry for someone   Walking the street beside you. You can love me most by letting Hands touch hands, and  Souls touch souls. You can love me most by Sharing your Simchas (goodness) and Multiplying your Mitzvot (acts of kindness). You can love me most by Letting me live in your eyes And not on your mind. And when you say Kaddish for me Remember what our Torah teaches, Love doesn’t die: people do. So when all that’s left of me is love Give me away.