Let There Be Light

 Dear Friends,

A number of you will know who you  are as you read the following and I am grateful for your ongoing support.

As we begin the Torah again with the Sabbath of Creation I want to talk about words with which we are all familiar.  I  have read them thousands of times and remember my father turning on the light switch when I would be sitting in the dark and he would say, "let there be light."  We know that one of the first acts of creation was the creation of light.

In one of his many  postings, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quotes Joseph Sooveitchek who writes in his book Halachic Man  “The most fundamental principle of all is that man must create himself."

So how does one go about creating oneself when one endures a significant loss.  One of you  has asked me to talk about the light in my life as I experience it.  Well the light burned brightly this week on so many levels.

First, there is a custom at the conclusion of Sukkot on a day called Hoshanna Rabbah when we take the willow branch from a lulav (you  can search for the meaning of all these words by going to My Jewish Learning.com) and beat it against a hard service.  As the leaves fall off, this represents our last sins or ways in which we missed the mark during the past year falling away, so we can truly begin a new year with a clean slate.  I performed this ritual with one of you  and when the willow branch was empty we threw it on the ground.  You told me that when you were younger you would throw a stick over a bridge into a river and then it would disappear...UNTIL it appeared on the other side of the bridge floating down the river.  The stick didn't disappear but continued on a new path.  We talked about your experience and how as the branch disappeared, I suggested that we had thrown Sue away.  But then, after you probably wanted to throw me over the railing onto the ground:-), I  realized that whether you  had that experience or not when  you were younger, that the symbolism of Sue gently on a new journey was possibly a metaphor for me not to get stuck in the river but to gently journey forward.  In Biblical terms, you  basically told me to search for the light and let there be light instead of dwelling in the midst of darkness.  

What a beautiful and inspirational way to  move forward as I try to create (or recreate) myself after Sue's passing.  I have written about Adam being created to teach us how to begin again.  I have spoken about the importance of turning scratches into stems around which flowers can bloom when I taught about the story of the Ruler who had a diamond that was scratched and how the craftsperson turned that scratch into the stem of a beautiful flower.  One of you has given me a beautiful flower which lights up our home every Shabbat and is a constant reminder of the love we shared.

When a video came through  yesterday of a grandchild saying, "Shabbat Shalom, Grandpa," the room lit up not only with their beautiful greeting but with Sue's smile. I could feel her smile and actually as I shed  tears in that moment, I could see Sue crying also, with tears of joy and pride.  I hope that somehow these experiences with grandchildren will be lighting up her world wherever she is and that as she floats in the world to come, that she will be swimming (as she loved to do) in a sea lightened by the love and kindness of our family and friends.  She would hope that these words might inspire light in your worlds also and I hope your kindness to me, to  yourself, and to those about whom you care, will bring light to the world. .

Finally, as I prepared to celebrate Shabbat last night with a number of you who have accompanied me throughout this journey  for the past six months and two weeks (yes, I am still counting...) I was overwhelmed with happiness and sadness.  But as we celebrated Shabbat together, the light won out over the darkness.  As one of you continues to remind me we live with joy and sadness in a gray zone.  And as another one of  you told me, there will be joy  in one hand and sadness in the other.  Which hand do I choose to open up and let be part of my life is up to me.

So, as we read this week in the Torah, G-d finished the creation of the world, saw that it was good, and rested.  Perhaps the intense grief needs to take a rest and the light of creation needs to emerge as the most sacred and fitting way  to carry on the legacy of kindness and love that Sue showed and that so many of  you  have shown me.  As one of  our children is visiting this weekend, the light of their Mom fills our home with love and brightness.  May  we all be blessed with the light of love in our hearts and our homes.  Please remember to say  I love you and to demonstrate your love by  the kindness you  show to others.

"Let there be light."

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft