Dear Friends,
As we celebrate our day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, it will be six months since Sue passed away.
One of you who has been regularly responding to my blogs,suggested that I have a conversation with Sue. I am going to try...
But first....
There is a wonderful story about a king who has a diamond that is perfect. As he shows it off, someone drops it. Somehow it gets scratched and the king is distraught. A number of craftspeople come in and try to fix the scratch. Nothing seems to help.
Finally, a craftsperson comes in and takes the scratch and turns it into a stem and etches a rose around the stem. The diamond becomes even more beautiful and the story teaches us that when life scratches us, we need to find ways to continue to let love and kindness bloom.
As I remember Sue during our Memorial Service on Yom Kippur, I will always treasure the love that we shared I hope and pray that those of you who knew Sue or who have learned about her through my blogs, will continue to remember all the "sparkles" and joy she brought to our world and continues to bring us through our personal memories. Our children have shared private memories with me and as the prayer below says, "as long as we live, she too will live as we remember her." Her love and kindness certainly continues to bloom.
So as I conclude six months of intense grieving and struggle to look to the future, I want to share the following conversation which is inspired by those who I asked to tell me what they thought Sue would say to me at this time. These people were friends and family who loved her dearly and who will always carry her in their hearts.
Dear Sue,
Last night as you may or may not know, I went to see the Sound of Music with three of the people who have become my local family and whose love I have grown to treasure. You know who they are and you knew them and I think you would be thrilled that they are supporting me.
As one of them said to me at intermission, "the show is killing you, isn't it?" She must have seen the tears flowing down my cheeks when Mother Superior sang, "Climb Every Mountain." I looked up what this means in modern speech and found that it means, "it is doing something exceptionally well." I don't know for sure what they meant when they said this, but it did do something especially well. It reminded me that you were my biggest fan and would want me to climb the mountain of grief and be able to follow every rainbow until I find my dream of finding peace in the memories of our sacred relationship.
Sue, you know I am afraid of heights but I hope that somehow as I held hands with you in my heart last night that you will be right next to me as I climb the mountain. You also know that I often would not take your help and would seek support from other hikers when we were climbing up high.
Well, others have helped me for six months and last night I realized that your love and support is what I needed and need the most. I hope that through memory or even some sign from you, that you will help me find the rainbow of peace. I hope that my tears will somehow nourish hope that I won't always be so sad. I hope that together we can love each other in a way that will turn the scratch of your loss into a way to look to the future with hope.
I love you, Snoozie, and at our Memorial Service and always, will be cherishing you. I have shared your favorite memorial prayer about giving away love (as I recall you telling me) and want to share with you my favorite memorial prayer that I read yesterday at the annual community Memorial Service. (See below)
I don't know if you fast wherever you are, but as my Mom would have said, "easy over the fast." It won't be easy here but it will be meaningful to me because I will be holding you in my heart.
Love,
Bruce
Dear Bruce,
Believe it or not, I just read what you wrote.:-) I hope that those to whom you send it will forgive you since it is almost Yom Kippur. If I was around I would tell you to shorten what you wrote and leave people alone:-) (Bruce's note: she would make a halo over her head and look innocent and angelic as she gently criticized me)
Bruce, I know you might not want to hear this, but your Dad was right. You are very sensitive.(maybe even too sensitive????) You know how much I loved your sensitivity and admired that more than you probably know. But Bruce, you need to lessen your intensity as the days go by and follow the advice of so many who are telling you the best way to honor me is to move forward.
I know you are playing baseball and going to games and I am so happy you are doing that. I see you have found people to go with (I really didn't have to go to all those games?????) and I know you think of me every time you sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" and we would look at each other in a caring way and say "root root root for the White Sox wherever we were" (by the way, nice win yesterday over the Nationals...see there is hope...halo :-))
I know you are teaching and I am thrilled since I know you love it. Btw, if any of your students are reading this, please let Professor Bruce know he did make a difference. He never really believed the impact that I could see he was having.
Finally, Bruce, please believe that those who love you, really do love you. I loved you with all my heart and remember I TOLD YOU that I was so lucky to be with you. And you may not have told me you loved me that often (you did tell me more than you remember especially after I told you to tell me almost 25 years ago) but when you hugged me when I said this or when I snuggled on your shoulder, you were expressing your love for me in ways that touched my heart.
So...my beloved and friend, be gentle with yourself and know that I believe that whatever you do in the coming days to move forward will honor me because you don't know how not to honor me. (But, please be a bit more careful when you wash the dishes. Your grade is a B right now, but you could improve:-) Halo)
Please forgive me for whatever I did this past year to hurt you. I am so sorry that my passing has hurt you so much, but Bruce, you know that I didn't want to suffer and I DIDN'T...LISTEN TO THE DOCTORS WHO KEEP TELLING YOU THAT! Please forgive me since if you can move forward, I will be able to hurt less since I am so sad to have left you also. You know that I would tell you that you had nothing to apologize for, Bruce. You are the sweetest human being I knew and that was and is your gift. Be sweet and sensitive to yourself and FINALLY, use the new joke book Mims sent you. Your students and all those who are reading this will be grateful:-) Please hug all the kids and grandkids when you see them and yes, when you see them I am with you and am smiling because they love you and they know you love them. THEY KNOW I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU IN YOUR HEART. BRUCE. THEY FEEL THIS...PLEASE DON'T FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU SEE THEM. PROMISE ME THAT, OKAY. PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE
Love,
Your Best Friend
Sue
What Death Cannot Take From Us
Death has cast its dark shadow over this home, And it has left us all deeply bereft.
A voice has been stilled, a heart has been stopped, Laughter has departed, joy has fled.
Gone are the warmth and the glow of a loved one’s presence; The chain of love has lost a vital link.
Death has taken a life which was precious; It has brought pain, loneliness and sorrow.
And yet there is so much which death cannot touch, So much over which it has no dominion.
Death cannot rob us of our past:
The years, the dreams, the experiences which we shared.
Death cannot take from us the love we knew; It is woven into the tapestry of our lives.
The lessons we were taught we shall continue to cherish; We shall cling to the wisdom which lives on.
What we have had, we shall always possess; What we have known, we shall always hold dear.
Death cannot take from us our abiding trust,
That God will give us strength to ensure what we must.
Death cannot take from us our sustaining hope –
That darkness will yield to light, and hurt give way to healing.
Death cannot take from us the comforting faith,
That with God every soul is precious; none is ever lost.
Thus, even in sorrow, we thank the Lord our God,
For our memories and our hopes, for our trust and our faith.
For these, we believe, need never be lost;
These, and so much more, death cannot take from us.
– Author Unknown
At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.
Comments
Post a Comment