13 Weeks Later

 Dear Friends,


I am grateful to all of you who are reading these and who are taking the time to respond to me.  Writing these blogs has become cathartic for me and I hope they are not a burden to you.  You can always delete them:-)

It has been 13 weeks since Sue passed away and as I think about what I miss the most and the issues with which I wrestle, I wanted to share the following thoughts.

There is a song from the broadway show, "Camelot" that has made me think a lot about one of Sue's many gifts to me.  Please listen to the song

So I wonder what does a simple guy do, to escape when he is feeling blue...What would Sue do to deal with sadness?

Her love of the simple things in life was inspirational.  She was not a whistler, and those who know me know I certainly am not a singer.  She used to love Israeli dancing and in the past year attended some sessions at a local synagogue.

I think her gift to me now would be to  encourage me and maybe all of us to treasure the little things in life.  Those who have heard me speak and read these know that "Guantanamera" is among my favorite songs and this is my favorite verse"

"A little brook on a mountain, the cooling spray of a fountain, arouse in me an emotion, more than the vast boundless ocean..for there's a wealth beyond measure in little things that we treasure"

Sue would remind me of the snuggles when we would sit under the blanket our daughter made us and watch television.  She would look at her engagement ring and say the small diamond in the chai (meaning life) still sparkles.  She would comment on each of the grandchildren who appear on her electronic frame and talk about what wonderful kids and grandkids we have.

I hope that as I try to dispel some of the darkness, that her joy and positive attitude toward life will help me find light and love again.  There has been so much kindness given to me in the past three months that I am overwhelmed by both my grief and the kindness which has been showered upon me.  A student recently told me that when Sue walked in the room once when we were talking about the meaning of her Bat Mitzvah, that Sue exuded calmness and that it was contagious and the student felt relaxed.  I think Sue would want me to relax and remember to take time to "smell the roses" and treasure the beauty in our world.  

I think about my Mom's gift to us which is in the words to the poem below which she read to us at our wedding and that I have shared before  (See below)  And...I think about my Dad's favorite story about the child who received a box of horse manure for Christmas as a punishment for being a gimme kid.  The child smiles which infuriates the parents who see the gift of the manure as a punishment.  When they ask the child why they are smiling, they say, "if you gave me this box of horse manure, there must be a pony around here somewhere."  

The message I was taught was to "keep looking for the pony."  Your kindness and support is that pony.  Thank you for accompanying me on this journey from darkness to what may someday become lighter.  It is a long and winding road....(the Beatles, right???)

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Live Each Day to the Fullest

Live each day to the fullest.

Get the most from each hour, each day.

and each age of your life.

Then you can look forward with confidence,

and back without regrets.

Be yourself ~ but be your best self.

Dare to be different and to follow your own star.

And don't be afraid to be happy ~ enjoy what is beautiful.

Love with all your heart and soul.

Believe that those you love, love you.

When you are faced with decision.

make that decision as wisely as possible ~ then forget it.

The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.

And above all. remember that God helps

those who help themselves.

Act as if everything depended upon you.

and pray as if everything depended upon God.

Written by: S.H.PAYER

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