Remembering Loved Ones and Celebrating Blessings

 Dear Friends,


Last Shabbat I commemorated the 25th and 22nd anniversaries of my parents' deaths.

I gave a sermonette at a local congregation where I spoke about the weekly Torah portion (scriptural reading) which was a double portion from the Book of Numbers, "Hukkat" and "Balak."

In this portion, "Hukkat", Moses' brother, Aaron dies and the people mourn for 30 days.  Moses' sister Miriam dies and there is no opportunity to mourn.

Immediately afterwards as a response to the Israelites' complaining that they did not have enough water, Moses is asked to speak to a rock to provide water for the people (which had been Miriam's responsibility).  Moses, who had not had the opportunity to mourn for his sister, loses his temper with our ancestors' complaints and hits the rock instead of speaking to it.

G-d reprimands Moses by telling him he will not enter the promised land.

I have often thought that this was a harsh consequence since Moses never had the opportunity to mourn for his sister.  Grief is a powerful force in our lives and as I reflect upon the dying, death, and grieving for my parents, I realized that sometimes our other responsibilities keep us from being able to mourn.  Moses had to go right back to work.  I remember that I had to continue serving as a congregational rabbi and that the inability to have time to mourn left me feeling conflicted and anxious about how I had behaved during the dying process and afterwards.

As I read the portion, "Balak," where Balak  hires a prophet Balaam to curse the Jewish people, Balaam cannot curse our ancestors and insteac he blesses the Jewish people, with the famous quote, "How goodly  are your tents O' Jacob, your dwelling places, O' Israel."

I realized this past weekend that what I needed to do was turn the "curse" of not being able to care for and  mourn my parents in the way I might have liked, into a blessing where I could remember the good times and precious moments we shared.

I hope that as all of us deal with grief, we take time to mourn and are fortunate enough to be able to treasure special moments we were able to share with our loved ones that blessed our lives.

On a separate note as we celebrate the 4th of July today, I hope we all rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness for ALL who dwell among us.  Having recently  taken a couple of our grandchildren to see some of the national monuments in DC and watched the looks on their faces, I was once again reminded of the hope that our country has provided for so many.  I hope that as the days go forward we can rekindle the hopes that have made the USA such a special country.  Perhaps we might even be able to take small steps to turn the "curses" of conflict and division into opportunities to once again speak and listen to each other.  In this way, perhaps we can adapt Balaam's blessing and say "how goodly are your tents America," and dwell together in peace. 

B'shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft

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