My teacher, my friend, my mentor, and my sister (in-law)

Dear Friends,

I am privileged to begin my  blogging career with the following tribute to Martha Aft. Without her guidance I probably would never have become a rabbi and I will always be grateful.

I write this tribute as a way of dealing with my personal grief.  Earlier this summer, my brother's beloved wife, Marthajoy Aft, passed away.  Honestly, except for my Mom and my wife, she was and continues to be the most influential woman in my life.

I was five years old when I met Martha from behind the hedges where we lived in Franklin Park, Illinois.  At a time when this was more accepted (if it ever was really acceptable), I hid behind the hedges and would shoot her with my cap gun as a child's way of trying to get her attention.

Martha embraced me as her little brother (not a brother-in-law) and provided me with the sister I never had (I am one of four boys).

She filled her life with music as she sang unto G-d a new song (she was a big Debbie Friedman fan) by going back to school at Brandeis and becoming a Jewissh educator.  When I was making a career choice and members of my family were rather surprised that I would give up my baseball mitt for a Bible (thanks to our daughter for that reference), Martha supported me.  She was instrumental in me getting the most important job in my life, being a Jewish educator for 29 years at the BBYO International Leadership Kallah which has meant so much to me and our family.

Her support of my baseball playing was strong as her parents used to go to Wrigley Field to see the Cubs and would often go for Ladies Days.  Martha grew up on the south side of Chicago and I think she maintained an interest in the White Sox (VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME:-)).  Once she and my  brother, Ken, moved to the New England area, I know they became Red Sox fans ( no one is perfect????) and I remember sharing the joy of the Red Sox World Series victory in 2004 and our ongoing conversations in 20005 when the White Sox won the World Series.  We would always connect in the fall to discuss the baseball postseason and in addition to supporting my growing interest in things Jewish, she supported my baseball interests.  She encouraged me to live in two civilizations, baseball and Jewish.

There are so many memories that go back 63 years and have continued until my last conversation with Martha about the fact that after 31 years I would no longer be a congregation's rabbi.  Although suffering from dementia, she was focused and tuned into this conversation and was grateful that I could finally go back to being an educator and teaching which is how I spent the first 10 years of my rabbinic career. I am immensely grateful that I could share this significant moment in my  life with her, sitting on the patio at their home in Las Vegas.  Her smile warmed my heart and helped me realize that I was doing the right thing to begin to do things I enjoy without the pressure of congregational life.

This is long so I will share seve brief stories (Martha was into mysticism and so I chose seven stories to represent seven levels of holiness, seven days of creation, seven days a week and the seven blessings at a Jewish wedding).

Number One:  When I was a teenager and was facing challenges with my parents Ken and Martha invited me to stay  with them for a week and helped me sort things out.  Martha had a unique way of supporting and embracing without judging me.

Number Two:

Martha made the best fruit salad in the world and included so many things.  In addition to loving the fruit salad (I am not a big fruit eater), this taught me to respect all the various people who make up our world since each ingredient in the fruit salad made it so very  tasty.

Number Three:  

When I was a teenager, she, Ken, and my  parents would join me when I  had the privilege to study with Danny Siegel ( a special poet, teacher, and mitzvah person) at West Suburban Temple Har Zion in River Forest, Illinois.  He opened up his sessions to family members and she was present at this time in my  life.

Number Four:

She would sing and verbally spar with my father.  Show tunes and Yiddish folk songs by Theodore Bikel were a part of my  life growing up as Martha and my Dad sang these songs together.  They heatedly discussed lots of things which taught me that people may have different opinions but can respectfully agree to disagree.

Number Five:

My mom felt she was like a daughter to her and Martha called my parents Mom and Dad.

Number Six:

Martha would often get two challahs on Friday and leave one on a park bench for "whoever" would pick it up in Brookline, MA, each Friday, teaching me the values of Tzedakah (righteousness) and Gemilut Chasadim, deeds of loving kindness.

Number Seven:

One of the proverbs I learned from Danny Siegel was "If we think that the person sitting next to us is the Messiah and we begin to say and do kind things, and it turns out that the person sitting next to us  isn't the Messiah, it won't matter since we are doing and saying kind things."

Marthajoy (and Ken), 

I don't know that you were/are the Messiah but it doesn't matter because you taught me to do and say kind things and I will always be grateful.

Finally, you taught me  (thanks again, Debbie Friedman), to have the courage to make my life a blessing.  

Martha, your life certainly was a blessing.

I love you. and miss you.

Your brother (not in-law),

Bruce